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Frisco Del Rosario writes about chess960, women's basketball, minor league baseball, unsupported collectible card games, lettering in comic books, and Golden Age movies

Beefcake Cartman is what’s needed here 01/10/2018

Purity, as it turns out, was exactly what my pirate gang needed to reach PvP level 34 with a bullet.

Storyteller Jimmy, we’re not listening. Cyborg Kenny, stay dead. Poseidon Stan, weather’s cool and dry.
The weak link in the stack now seems to be Sheriff Cartman. Im theory, a tank sounds like a good thing: Put a large, high-health, greatly-distracting thing in the field, and let it draw enemy fire while your tiny rangers Captain Wendy and Buccaneer Bebe get rich.

Sheriff Cartman doesn’t do the best job of holding off the bad guys. He doesn’t do enough damage to kill them, and since they’re swarming, I have to send help to the front line, which wasn’t the plan.

Sometimes the deck operates best when Sheriff Cartman gets snuffed, but we emerge from the skirmish with Buccaneer Bebe intact plus Nelly or Captain Wendy running interference.

I don’t like the other available tanks. Officer Barbrady and PC Principal are adults, which doesn’t fit the game narrative of neighborhood kids play-pretending to kick the shit out of each other.

Mimsy is too active to serve as a blocker — while he’s toddling toward the other new kid, the rangers lose cover. Zen Cartman is solely a defensive piece.

Sheriff Cartman feels like a weak link in my stack, but he’s the tank that got me here. Other than replacing Sheriff Cartman, I could invest all the resources in strengthening him.

This is heavy on my mind today because Sheriff Cartman is available in Butters’ shop. I need 37 additional Sheriff Cartmans (plus a zillion arrowheads, sheriff stars, and feathers) to level him up, and 10 would cost 2750 of my 3300 PvP tickets.

That feels like too great a commitment, though next time Sheriff Cartman is overwhelmed, I’ll probably wish I’d taken the upgrade path.

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