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Frisco Del Rosario writes about chess960, women's basketball, minor league baseball, unsupported collectible card games, lettering in comic books, and Golden Age movies

tl;dr RedLynx screwed up, many SPPD players are assholes, I don’t know anything 02/20/2018

The dreaded SPPD green-killing software update landed Tuesday. For many reasons, I am unqualified to talk about it knowledgeably (though I’ll go on at length cluelessly):

1) For playing below the legendary rank, I don’t know how it’s directly and indirectly affecting them.

South Park Phone Destroyer — like chess, like NetRunner — doesn’t value the best players’ opinions highly enough, because the best players are a minority group, and it’s the majority that spends the most money at SPPD and chess.

I believe the timing of this upgrade was terrible, where the legendary ranks are concerned. The PvP matchmaking at legendary is flawed, and that should’ve been addressed first. At level 44, should I even care about advancing to 50, where things are more screwed up?

2) I don’t play green.

I play one green card. In my pirate gang, I include Purify, which was essential for dealing with mind control and poison.

I said weeks ago that I’d play with Purify if it cost twice as much. Now it does, and the degrading of its range only matters to me if more than one friendly unit is poisoned.

I don’t play green, but I do play *the game*. If time shows that this really snuffed green as a playable theme, I’d probably drop the game because there would be greater homongeneity among the remaining decks.

In my view, they screwed with the wrong cards. Even now, while Purify and Power Bind are thought dead, I’ll track my win-loss against Zen Cartman, certain that I do poorly against it.

People get rock-scissors-paper-oriented when it comes to single cards or combinations. They say a swarm is the paper to Zen Cartman’s rock, but that doesn’t mean jack if you don’t have a swarm. (Similarly, I’m with the crowd that thinks Mecha Timmy is most unfair, while the same rock-scissors-paper players repeat “duh, counter” refrain.)

There are serious holes in my favorite deck. I lose to Zen Cartman in any configuration, to poison, to fliers, and to higher-powered versions of my cards. When I run into these things, oh darn.

The unhappy green players who decide to stick with the game (forum threads advising that Apple is giving its SPPD players refunds) will find something else to do. I read that the green combination that flummoxes me isn’t even the “meta”. There’s always going to be the crowd that aims to build *that* deck, and when *it* evolves, so will their aim.

I’ve never cared about decks that win with the greatest ease or facility or efficiency. This puts me in a great minority, and for the same reason I can’t understand the plight of the legendaries, I can’t feel the pain of the Zen/Regeneration/Angel people, either.

3) I’m old, brown, and ain’t gud.

I think white boys 18-34 make up the largest segment of the asshole online gamer population. Young white boys make up the largest asshole segment in the country. They’re descended from old white assholes.

I read something very good yesterday: “When your leaders act like children, and your children act like leaders, change is coming.” I expect this means girls, unless boys wise up.

It’s remarkable how many SPPD forum replies are along the lines of “this would not be a problem for you, if you were a better player like me”.

Online gaming feels like computer chess in this regard. When chess computers began emerging in the late ’70s, almost every chessplayer said something akin to “chess computers will get better, but they’ll never be as good as me”.

There’s a real problem with you if you think “get better at the game” addresses every concern, you dumbass Trump state kid. Especially at games where credit cards are the most powerful type of card.

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